Carrying the cross.

Jesus, how did you do it? God, how could you still love us while we treat you this way? They spat on you, Jesus, and mocked you, and stepped away when you were struggling and crawling in pain with the cross. And, yet, you kept on, carrying it for us wicked people, so wicked that a king would kill 100 babies because of their selfishness. You died for our filthy sins. All because you love us. 

Is it only human that we struggle so much to care for others who hate those who only mean to love them, who want to save them? God, I know you've said that when we pick up the cross and follow you, it will not be easy. It will be the life that Jesus lived. We often forget that he went through all that torment and then we forsake you, Lord, blaming you for all the pain and heartache. Father, I am comforted for remembering what Jesus went through because you love us. I pray that I may continue to seek your face in all this world, God. Thank you for this conviction that you have set upon me

oh dear

ugh

not feeling good lately. 

boo

living part of my life to make my mom n dad happy. life seems easier that way. but i have my depressing moments at times. did u know that wishful thinkin is really bad? and i found out that multitasking can make u fat.. that explains alot.. *sighs* rainy days make me sad. lol its hard to be me. my dad tells me tho that its an honor to be in my position. i try to think that way. but its soo hard. things arent fair when ur in my position. and it sucks soo bad. ppl treat me differently and just dont understand me. ppl put me down and downgrade me for wat i do. all in all.. i try my best to keep my head held high and smile. i think i mostly do it prove ppl wrong and that i am a good person worthy of respect. and i hate how just cus someone dont get paid for the work they do dont mean that they are a lesser person. shame to those who treat others that way. i work just as hard as someone gettin paid to bag groceries or check out shoppers if not, twice as hard or harder. wat happened to the respect for those who stay home and take care of the family? even if those being taken care of dont notice. anyway.. just the rant for the day. oh btw school is done for the semester.. but i start again on the 22nd. should be graduating this summer. waitin for finaid to kick in n pay for my classes. idk wat i will do when i graduate. hopefully go on a good long vacation. =]

<3

happy new yr..

well the new yr is here. and things have changed.. well a lil. ima be 21 in a wk or so. dad's gone again for the sake of the family. oh btw we've fixed our relationship between each other and things have been so much better. i love my dad. n i miss him alot since he's left again. but he'll always be my hero. ever since that, i've felt different and noticed i've changed a bit. i've worked harder to keep the family clean. i do more and dont expect much ne more. and i know that i've become stronger. my father's love and God keep me going. i do things to make my parents happy now. and not to just make me happy. im so glad that God has helped me to overcome so much at the end of last yr. this yr's gonna be a good one. i'll be ready for whatever God has in store for us. even if that means moving away. i'll always adapt. 

church is kinda different. today n. vaam kaus told her testimony bout the new yr for the church and its an encouraging interpret of her dream she had. i have a feeling it'll change. im the lil kids sunday school teacher. i kinda didnt want to do that but i think God knew that and is gonna be teaching me something thru that. so im ready. i'll take the ride. besides, im becomin an official adult soon. so yeah. youth is changing. i hope to see the Lord glorified in all this tho. and i feel he's blessed us. 

the new yr.. que pasas pasas. what ever happens happens. its all in the Lord's hands. and im learning now wat faith is really about. because teh Lord loves me i love him. and all that i do i hope that it is how i love God. with all that said.. i need to sleep and read for world religions class tmrw. which i know i need to be dion better in. need to do some extra credit. haha. ne ways.. happy new yr. 

<3 turtle